For me, in my past life as a serial renter, it was always the ‘not knowing’ where I would live next. You are given notice on your flat, or you give notice (for whatever reason) and you have a date to leave, but you don’t necessarily have somewhere to go to. That was always stressful.
Last month, we helped someone who moved out of her property to have it refurbished, and she lived temporarily in rented accommodation. We decluttered before she left, but because she was returning, she knew there was space for all the possessions that had come out. The incentive to fully declutter, therefore, was not really there. All my clients take more than they should when downsizing as until you experience with your own eyes, all your possessions coming out of the multitude of boxes, it is hard to envisage just how much you have. In this case, the number of boxes, even with help to unpack, has almost broken her.
For other clients, the worst part is the solicitors and estate agents, and all the questions; you’ve lived there a long time and you know the house is fine – why can’t your buyer see that? Their solicitor has a duty to make sure that it ticks all the boxes for current regulations and that they are not opening a can of worms down the line.
In some cases, it can be the thought of ‘starting again’, especially in later life. The happy home you had with all those lovely memories is gone. But it is a chance to start afresh and enjoy your new place. Take things with you that remind you of those good times, but remember that your move is happening to help you live a safe and happy life as you age, and new fun memories will be created there too.
Whatever your concerns with your home move, we can help support you through it and take away all the practical worries – and hopefully many of the emotional ones too!
This month’s guest blog is written by Katheirne Carroll from Peacock & Co Solicitors.
Most people realise that they need to put a Will in place but whilst this sets out how your estate will be dealt with after you die, it is of no use whilst you are still alive.
To ensure you are adequately cared for in your lifetime as you get older, you need a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA).
What is an LPA? This is a legal document whereby you appoint someone else (your attorney) to make decisions about your finances, property, money, health or welfare at some point when you might need it. There are two sorts of LPA – one to cover property and finance decisions and one to cover health and welfare decisions. You can put one of them in place, or both – they are separate documents.
Do I need an LPA? More of us are now living longer but this means we may well suffer poor health in later life, perhaps requiring some form of care, and also help with finances. If you have a stroke or dementia then you might think it is automatic that a family member can assist you, but this isn’t the case – they need legal authority.
When should I put an LPA in place? The sooner the better! You must have mental capacity to put an LPA in place so it is better not to leave it to the last minute as we can never predict when we may have health problems.
What if I don’t have an LPA and lose mental capacity? Without an LPA, your family will have to apply to the Court of Protection to gain authority to help you (called a Deputyship). The court decides who will be appointed and this might not be someone you would choose. This can take many months, during which time, your finances cannot be managed. Also, Deputyships are very rarely granted for health decisions, which leaves you vulnerable.
When does an LPA take effect and when should I put one in place? An LPA only becomes effective when it is registered by the Office of the Public Guardian and activated. As this can take twelve weeks or so, it is better to have it registered as soon as it is signed. It is best not to restrict the LPA with instructions that reduce the flexibility of attorneys in an emergency, for instance if you have a stroke or an accident. As an example, you may never lose mental capacity but you might have physical difficulties where perhaps you can’t sign your name on cheques any longer and therefore need an LPA in place.
Who can I choose as my attorney? Most people over 18 can be your attorney and they don’t have to be in the UK. It is important to choose someone you trust, which may be a family member, but equally can be a friend or a professional. You can have more than one person, as well as substitutes. They will act as your agent in making decisions about your finances and health; however, they cannot make a Will for you, consent to marriage or divorce, or make large gifts (say for estate planning).
I have an EPA – is this still valid? Prior to October 2007, we had Enduring Powers of Attorney rather than LPAs. Those created are still valid, although an LPA can be more comprehensive. EPAs don’t cover health decisions, only financial decisions, so if you have one, you might want to consider a health LPA. If you have an EPA, it is worth asking a professional to review it.
Do I need a solicitor to draw up my LPA? No you don’t – it is possible to make your LPA yourself online. However, they are easy to get wrong and seeing a solicitor who specialises in this area is invaluable. A solicitor can advise on how to make the LPA as flexible as possible, discuss who should be your attorney bearing in mind your family structure, and how to manage complex assets.
If you would like to consider LPAs further, please get in touch. Katherine Carroll Peacock & Co Solicitors 020 8035 0387 katherine.carroll@peacock-law.co.uk
It’s quite difficult for people to know what we are and what we do, but we have years of experience in supporting people. We are all of the following things for our clients:
A PA – thinking and planning all of the paperwork.
A bookkeeper – guiding on financial queries, and we are registered with HMRC for this.
A project manager – thinking, planning and strategy is a big part of what we do.
A cleaner – we are often asked to help clear things up and decluttering is a dirty job. We regularly clean out cupboards in new properties on the day of a move where the people leaving haven’t left it in a nice state. And when we empty a storage unit, we usually take a vacuum cleaner with us.
A handyman – we are not afraid of a flat pack (putting together or taking apart), or a screwdriver – even an electric one.
A counsellor or therapist – talking things through is important and finding out why possessions are so loved and the stories behind them.
A life coach – moving home is stressful and guidance, support and encouragement are necessary every step of the way.
A solicitor – we don’t do any legal work, but we advise on many things that people need in this area and introduce them to solicitors to do the work.
If you need a fairy godmother, a moving home project manager, a declutterer or a later life adviser, we are those and all of the above. Give us a call and we’ll happily talk to you about how we help.
Spoofing is a deceptive practice where an attacker disguises their identity or the source of a communication to appear as a trusted entity, often to gain access to sensitive information, steal money, or spread malware. It involves impersonating someone or something else to mislead victims and gain their trust. This can happen through various channels like email, phone calls, and even network protocols.
The most common is calls from someone pretending to be your bank. Thanks to Martin Lewis, I found out about the 159 service. If you suspect that you are the victim of spoofing and you want to call your bank to check, you can use the 159 service. Simply dial 159 from a handset when you’re in the UK and the service asks which bank you want to speak to. You can read more here: https://stopscamsuk.org.uk/our-work/159-phone-number/
Crucially, 159 will never call you, so if you receive a call from 159, it won’t be someone from your bank.
Claire Edwards, Registered Nurse and Eldercare Consultant, provides independent care advice to older people and their families. She gives us her thoughts here, having read a newspaper article from a family carer.
I recently read a letter to a national newspaper, written and sent by the wife and carer of a gentleman living with dementia. The full range of emotions expressed by her made me reflect on the fact that they are undoubtedly shared by so many spouses the length and breadth of the country – namely love, compassion, exhaustion, frustration, resentment, anger and guilt.
The writer is supported by visiting carers four times a day, has received counselling and been offered time out and considers herself to be better off than many people, but after 15 years she feels she is coping badly. She is as mindful of her daughter’s right to live the life she has created for herself as she is of her husband’s wish not to be cared for in a care home, and therein lie her feelings of despair.
The response her letter was given by the columnist was equally compelling. She describes humanity, goodness and selflessness, but also delivers a compassionate reminder of just how important it is to accept help offered by close relatives, for that close relative’s sake as well for the health and wellbeing of the care giver. She also points out that there often comes a time when 24-hour care provided by experienced and trained professionals is the right care option.
I couldn’t agree more. The message is clear – if you find yourself in this situation, do not be too quick to turn down additional support or close your eyes to alternative care options. You are, after all, only human and a promise made based on historic facts may well need to be revisited in the best interests of the person in need of care.
Claire invites anyone who finds themselves in this position and needs practical and emotional support to get in touch.
On Thursday 1st May, 5-7pm, why not join us at Kyn Bickley. We will be part of an informative session with Katherine Carroll from Peacock & Co, Claire Edwards owner of Claire Edwards Eldercare Consultant and Mark Barnett from Providence Care.
The talk will cover making LPAs and Wills and what happens if you don’t have them, financial support, assessments, triggers and personal wishes related to care as well as the practicalities and life admin of moving into care.
Kyn, Bickley Park Road, Bromley, BR1 2AZ
Please email KYNBickley@kyn.co.uk to reserve your place.
Not heard of a digital will? A digital will is an inventory of your digital assets. It can form part of a normal will or be a side letter. It is really important to have a note of all the passwords that your loved ones will need to access documents you have created and online accounts you have; also for them to be able to use your social media to let people know you have died, and even to find the location of precious photos and documents that might be required.
You can create a document with passwords listed but this isn’t very secure. You could create it, password protect it and just give your lasting power of attorney/s and / or executors the password. Or you could print it out and tell them where you have hidden it. If you have a password locker then you can nominate someone who, in the event of an emergency or loss of life, will get access. For the one I use, they don’t have to have an account themselves at the point of nomination, but to get access they will need to have an account. This really is the most secure way of handing your passwords over to someone else.
To access your loved one’s social media you may very well need to have the password. Some social media accounts have a legacy option (like Facebook), but you need to nominate someone to be the legacy contact in order to do that. Instagram doesn’t have this option, but you can apply to memorialise or remove the account. LinkedIn works like Instagram in this way. So with the latter two, you can do this with a death certificate and don’t need to have the password, unless you wanted to put a final few posts up for contacts to see.
It might be annoying gathering everything together but it will save so much time for your loved ones when they are grieving, so it is a very kind thing for you to do for them. We wholeheartedly recommend spending time doing this.
This month’s guest blog is written by Kayane Watson, a certified Thrive Coach, exploring how to deal with the overwhelm of caring for elderly parents.
Do you often find yourself overwhelmed by the emotional demands of caring for an elderly parent while struggling to meet their expectations?
Caring for an elderly parent is a profound act of love and commitment, but it might come with challenges that can leave you feeling drained, frustrated, or even at times guilty. Many adult children find themselves caught between fulfilling their parent’s needs and managing their own lives, unsure of how to balance everything.
Looking after an elderly parent can evoke a range of emotions: from guilt when you can’t meet all their expectations to resentment when their demands feel overwhelming. It’s common to experience emotional fatigue, especially when juggling caregiving responsibilities with work, family, or personal needs. You might feel isolated, as though no one truly understands the weight you carry. It’s crucial to acknowledge these feelings without judgment—they’re a natural response to a challenging situation.
Establishing boundaries with your elderly parent isn’t just about protecting your time or energy; it’s about preserving the relationship you have with them. Without boundaries, resentment can build, leading to tension and misunderstandings. Clear and compassionate boundaries help both you and your parent understand what is realistic, ensuring that everyone’s needs are considered. It’s not about saying “no” to them; it’s about saying “yes” to a sustainable relationship where care is balanced.
Here are some practical tips and advice to get you attuned with your emotions and feelings as well as gradually building a healthier boundary with an elderly parent;
Practice emotional awareness: Take time to reflect on your feelings. Journaling or speaking with a trusted friend or a professional can help you process the emotions tied to caregiving.
Communicate openly and kindly: Use “I” statements to express your needs without blame. For example, “I feel stressed when I receive last-minute requests. Can we plan together ahead of time so we’re both prepared?”
Set clear limits: Decide what you can and cannot do. Be honest with yourself about your capacity and communicate these limits to your parent.
Learn the power of constructive “no”: Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care. For instance, if a request is beyond your ability, you could say, “I’m unable to do that, but let’s find someone who can help.”
Focus on self-care: Make time for activities that recharge you—whether it’s exercise, hobbies, or simply enjoying a hot drink without distractions. Your well-being is essential to providing effective care.
Seek support: Don’t hesitate to ask for help from other family members, friends, or professional caregivers. Caregiving doesn’t have to be a solo journey.
Here’s a powerful reminder to inspire and ground you:“I am doing my best, and that is enough. By caring for myself, I am better able to care for my parent.”
Remember, caregiving is a journey of love and dedication, but it’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your well-being. By doing so, you’re not only ensuring a healthier relationship with your parent but also preserving your emotional and physical health for the long term.
If the above resonates and you would like some help, you can get in touch with Kayane at linktr.ee/thrive.with.k Kayane helps people who struggle with stress, anxiety, depression and phobias, live better by teaching them how to thrive in life by taking them through The Thrive Programme. Anyone can thrive when they understand how they can be mentally stronger, resilient and in control of their emotions. Everyone has the ability to create and live the best life possible.
If you are looking at getting help from a domiciliary carer for your loved one, there are some practical things to think about once you know you will be using their service:
Declutter the rooms they will need to be in. This is important because your loved one’s home is the carer’s work place and it needs to be safe for them too. Extra equipment in the home may well be needed so there should be space for this, and for the carer and your loved one to be able to move around as a pair.
Ensure all of your loved one’s post, filing and general paperwork are up to date. Then, when new items arrive, they will be easy to fileand keep on top of. If everything is already out of order, it takes longer to deal with and to find things when you need them.
Write simple instructions for the washing machine and how / when your loved one wants clothes and bedding washed. Not everyone is the same, so these things vary.
Write simple instructions for what to throw away from the fridge. We know that sometimes things are discarded too soon, and other times left for too long, so it can be good to have instructions.
Write instructions on how your loved one likes tea / coffee / certain meals – the carers may not always be the same ones due to holiday or sickness, so although most agencies will try to send the same person, this helps towards a seamless handover.
Write instructions for the dishwasher. Not everyone has one or knows how to use it. They could wash up instead so you can suggest that if you think it’s easier.
Let the carers know what day the bin collection is and what things can be recycled or not. This varies from borough to borough, and can differ in blocks of flats, so this information makes it easier for everyone.
Let the carers know if they should answer the phone or not, and what you would like them to say if your loved one cannot speak (either indisposed or doesn’t have capacity).
Make a note if there’s anything else you would like them to do. It could be to charge the iPad once a week, or to make sure certain lights are left on. They won’t know if you don’t tell them.
Make sure you have enough toiletries for your loved one, or set up deliveries so they can’t run out.
Hopefully the above practical suggestions will help the transition go smoothly.
We hope you all had a fantastic Christmas day with your friends and family, or if you were alone, that you enjoyed the peace and quiet. We know many people who prefer a quiet one, so if that’s you, we hope quiet was delightful.* Some of you might still be doing lots of entertaining.
You may have had a chance to reflect on anything different you noticed about your loved ones whilst visiting them. You might be thinking about calling them to thank them for their hospitality, or if they weren’t hosting, calling them to make sure they got home ok, or to thank them for presents received. You’ll find a good reason to check in. Start on a positive note and then you can move on to mentioning whatever your concerns were. You can ask if they’ve been to their GP recently, or perhaps you could suggest they might think about a cleaner so they can enjoy their time rather than thinking about chores. Whatever it is, there will be a positive way to spin it and you’ll find it. Offer suggestions if they are receptive, but otherwise just keep checking in if they’re not yet ready.
If you have specific concerns or believe they need support you can’t give, do get in touch so we can help you work out the people who can point you in the right direction.
*If a quiet Christmas was too much, there are many places that offer companionship and Christmas dinners on Christmas Day, and we can help you find one for next year if you would like.
