Did you know that your fire brigade isn’t just there to help you when there’s a fire or a road incident? They also help with fire prevention advice. Fire brigades offer a home visit to make sure you are safe in your home. Check with your local fire station to see what they offer. As well as tips on fire safety the visit may include fitting smoke or heat alarms, and they can also fit specialist alarms for those who are hard of hearing which include strobe lights and vibrating mats under your pillow.
Fire brigades also need to know if there is a hoarding issue in order to be able to respond appropriately in the case of an emergency and to protect neighbouring properties.
If you would like to know whether your home is as safe as it can be, you can use this online fire safety check, which takes you through your home room by room. Even if you think you are fire safe, it is worth going through it: https://www.safelincs.co.uk/hfsc/
Not heard of a digital will? A digital will is an inventory of your digital assets. It can form part of a normal will or be a side letter. It is really important to have a note of all the passwords that your loved ones will need to access documents you have created and online accounts you have; also for them to be able to use your social media to let people know you have died, and even to find the location of precious photos and documents that might be required.
You can create a document with passwords listed but this isn’t very secure. You could create it, password protect it and just give your lasting power of attorney/s and / or executors the password. Or you could print it out and tell them where you have hidden it. If you have a password locker then you can nominate someone who, in the event of an emergency or loss of life, will get access. For the one I use, they don’t have to have an account themselves at the point of nomination, but to get access they will need to have an account. This really is the most secure way of handing your passwords over to someone else.
To access your loved one’s social media you may very well need to have the password. Some social media accounts have a legacy option (like Facebook), but you need to nominate someone to be the legacy contact in order to do that. Instagram doesn’t have this option, but you can apply to memorialise or remove the account. LinkedIn works like Instagram in this way. So with the latter two, you can do this with a death certificate and don’t need to have the password, unless you wanted to put a final few posts up for contacts to see.
It might be annoying gathering everything together but it will save so much time for your loved ones when they are grieving, so it is a very kind thing for you to do for them. We wholeheartedly recommend spending time doing this.
This month’s guest blog is written by Kayane Watson, a certified Thrive Coach, exploring how to deal with the overwhelm of caring for elderly parents.
Do you often find yourself overwhelmed by the emotional demands of caring for an elderly parent while struggling to meet their expectations?
Caring for an elderly parent is a profound act of love and commitment, but it might come with challenges that can leave you feeling drained, frustrated, or even at times guilty. Many adult children find themselves caught between fulfilling their parent’s needs and managing their own lives, unsure of how to balance everything.
Looking after an elderly parent can evoke a range of emotions: from guilt when you can’t meet all their expectations to resentment when their demands feel overwhelming. It’s common to experience emotional fatigue, especially when juggling caregiving responsibilities with work, family, or personal needs. You might feel isolated, as though no one truly understands the weight you carry. It’s crucial to acknowledge these feelings without judgment—they’re a natural response to a challenging situation.
Establishing boundaries with your elderly parent isn’t just about protecting your time or energy; it’s about preserving the relationship you have with them. Without boundaries, resentment can build, leading to tension and misunderstandings. Clear and compassionate boundaries help both you and your parent understand what is realistic, ensuring that everyone’s needs are considered. It’s not about saying “no” to them; it’s about saying “yes” to a sustainable relationship where care is balanced.
Here are some practical tips and advice to get you attuned with your emotions and feelings as well as gradually building a healthier boundary with an elderly parent;
Practice emotional awareness: Take time to reflect on your feelings. Journaling or speaking with a trusted friend or a professional can help you process the emotions tied to caregiving.
Communicate openly and kindly: Use “I” statements to express your needs without blame. For example, “I feel stressed when I receive last-minute requests. Can we plan together ahead of time so we’re both prepared?”
Set clear limits: Decide what you can and cannot do. Be honest with yourself about your capacity and communicate these limits to your parent.
Learn the power of constructive “no”: Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care. For instance, if a request is beyond your ability, you could say, “I’m unable to do that, but let’s find someone who can help.”
Focus on self-care: Make time for activities that recharge you—whether it’s exercise, hobbies, or simply enjoying a hot drink without distractions. Your well-being is essential to providing effective care.
Seek support: Don’t hesitate to ask for help from other family members, friends, or professional caregivers. Caregiving doesn’t have to be a solo journey.
Here’s a powerful reminder to inspire and ground you:“I am doing my best, and that is enough. By caring for myself, I am better able to care for my parent.”
Remember, caregiving is a journey of love and dedication, but it’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your well-being. By doing so, you’re not only ensuring a healthier relationship with your parent but also preserving your emotional and physical health for the long term.
If the above resonates and you would like some help, you can get in touch with Kayane at linktr.ee/thrive.with.k Kayane helps people who struggle with stress, anxiety, depression and phobias, live better by teaching them how to thrive in life by taking them through The Thrive Programme. Anyone can thrive when they understand how they can be mentally stronger, resilient and in control of their emotions. Everyone has the ability to create and live the best life possible.
We are starting a series of guest blogs, once a month and our first one is written by Sapphira Gold who is an Associate Solicitor at Hanne & Co and she specialises in private family law.
“As family solicitors, we often find that January brings with it a raft of enquiries about relationship breakdowns. After a busy festive period when family tensions may have arisen, this can lead to questions about what to do if those difficulties or differences can no longer be overcome and one or both feel that the marriage has sadly broken down. This article sets out some useful preliminary information if you are considering the implications and process upon separating.
Preliminary steps
Making the decision to end a marriage can be very stressful. It is important to have the right people around you, take time to make the decision and if you are unsure consider whether you can talk to your spouse about the issues in the marriage or consider seeking counselling. It may also be useful to discuss the decision with friends and family.
If you think the marriage is breaking down and/or you are certain this is the right decision for you and your family, seeking early specialist legal advice is always advisable so you are aware of the implications and process from the outset.
If you are married
The only way to legally end a marriage is via a divorce. For the last few years, the system in England and Wales has moved to a ’no-fault’ system, whereby there is no need to prove why the marriage has broken down in order to divorce, but merely to confirm to the court that the relationship has irretrievably broken down. It is possible to apply for divorce either as a sole application or jointly with your spouse. There can be pros and cons to both depending on your circumstances and this is something to carefully consider with your solicitor prior to applying for divorce.
Obtaining a divorce does not sever the financial ties between you. The only way to sever financial ties is via an order of the court and this runs separately but parallel to the divorce proceedings. This need not result in attended court hearings and many couples agree terms between them which are ultimately contained in an order agreed by consent. The terms can be reached through direct or solicitor negotiations or through various out of court resolution methods. It is prudent to obtain early advice from a family law specialist about your financial circumstances, as well as the process.
If you do not wish to divorce but you want to separate it is possible to obtain a judicial separation, which is a formal separation but you would remain married. It is also possible to agree a separation agreement. If you are separated rather than divorced, you will remain financially tied to each other and it is important to discuss the implications of this with your solicitor.
If you are not married
Cohabiting couples who are not married are not protected by the same law as those in marriages or civil partnerships. In these circumstances financial division will likely be decided under laws relating to property and/or trusts. If your relationship has broken down, it is advisable to seek specialist family law advice at the earliest opportunity, so you have a better understanding of your options.”
If you have any questions regarding a relationship breakdown or any other aspect of family law, please do not hesitate to contact Sapphira: sapphira.gold@hanne.co.uk or 020 7228 0017.
When decluttering, which you might be doing as a new year’s resolution, we recommend that clients give unwanted items to charity (if they can’t easily be sold). Doing so:
Helps someone buy the item cheaper than they would new
Helps the charity get money to support the cause/s they were set up for
Helps create space in your home more quickly (if you want to sell something it hangs around for a long while before you list it and then someone comes to buy it!)
But not everything can be given to charity. For instance, cuddly toys need a CE label (making sure they meet certain standards); not all charities take electrical goods; some things aren’t good enough quality (stop and think – would you buy it?!); and they can’t sell knives or alcohol.
What do we do with the things that can’t be taken to a charity shop? Here are some ideas:
Unopened alcohol – we donate for prizes for fairs either to charities or school PTAs
Knives – any place that makes food for charity would welcome good quality knives, so you can ask around and give to them
Unopened food with 3 months on the label can go to the local food bank
Unopened food which is less than 3 months on the label or out of date but not perishable can be listed somewhere like ‘Olio’. You can give freezer food away this way too. Opened food can also be listed but obviously you need to state this.
Towels can be listed online as free items (Facebook, Olio or Freecycle are examples of places you can list things free) as dog walkers often want them. You can also list duvets and pillows there too (of course if they’re in exceptional condition, the charity shops may take them).
Furniture is often rejected by charity collection services and can be given away online as free items.
Old saucepans may have life left but not be good enough for charity so you can list them.
Stationery, crafting supplies etc can be given away on Olio or you might have a community group nearby who will take these things https://www.workandplayscrapstore.org.uk/
There are many more categories, but if in doubt, call your local charity shop first and if it is not suitable list it as a freebie on a local Facebook Group and try and give it a new home!
Happy new year! A time of new year’s resolutions for lots of people. These are good in many ways as it is like setting goals – things you want to achieve or things to make you feel better. Last year my new year’s resolution was always to eat dinner at the dinner table. I think that lasted until September, so I did well as only 8% of new year’s resolutions are kept until the end of the year. I will try harder this year! I also set a goal of hitting 5 million steps across the year (by doing approximately 14,000 steps per day). I will let you know if I did this in the comments on Instagram and Facebook!
As 80% of resolutions are already broken by the end of February you need to really want to make your resolution stick and form a new habit.
One of the best ways of making your resolution stick is to do something called habit stacking – where you put the new thing onto something else you already do, which makes it easier to stick to. We recommend James Clear’s Habit Stacking (available online or at all good bookshops!) which talks about this. Examples of this could be wanting to lose weight and cleaning your teeth directly after dinner (making you less likely to eat more), or wanting to get more steps in, so walking round the block when you get out of your car at home before you go in. You could also use a delayed gratification method and tell yourself you can’t have your coffee until you’ve done 20 minutes of walking.
Another way of making new habits stick is to get an accountability buddy. This works for walking, going to the gym etc. We have also found that for many neurodiverse people, mirroring is a good way to get things done. So if you continually put off your emails, or going to the dentist, agree to do your emails in the same room as a friend, or book an appointment for the dentist at the same time as someone else you know.
If your new year’s resolution is to get tidy and declutter, but you haven’t started by February, let us know and we’ll come and help you! And if your resolution is something else, let us know what it is!
We hope you all had a fantastic Christmas day with your friends and family, or if you were alone, that you enjoyed the peace and quiet. We know many people who prefer a quiet one, so if that’s you, we hope quiet was delightful.* Some of you might still be doing lots of entertaining.
You may have had a chance to reflect on anything different you noticed about your loved ones whilst visiting them. You might be thinking about calling them to thank them for their hospitality, or if they weren’t hosting, calling them to make sure they got home ok, or to thank them for presents received. You’ll find a good reason to check in. Start on a positive note and then you can move on to mentioning whatever your concerns were. You can ask if they’ve been to their GP recently, or perhaps you could suggest they might think about a cleaner so they can enjoy their time rather than thinking about chores. Whatever it is, there will be a positive way to spin it and you’ll find it. Offer suggestions if they are receptive, but otherwise just keep checking in if they’re not yet ready.
If you have specific concerns or believe they need support you can’t give, do get in touch so we can help you work out the people who can point you in the right direction.
*If a quiet Christmas was too much, there are many places that offer companionship and Christmas dinners on Christmas Day, and we can help you find one for next year if you would like.
We started our weekly short blogs a year ago on December 21st with a reminder to look out for your loved ones over this Christmas when you go to visit them. And we thought it was worthwhile repeating the message.
Whilst you are with your relatives and friends and having a lovely festive and relaxed time, they may not want to tell you about anything happening to them as they may feel too proud or embarrassed, or be in denial (or all three). However, you may notice some changes to them and their home which are worth noting.
Keep an eye out for:
Are they using a stick when they haven’t before?
Are they holding onto walls or furniture to steady themselves?
Is their home less clean than it used to be? Perhaps there are smells you didn’t notice before or a bit more dust?
What’s in the fridge that shouldn’t be (things that don’t belong there or things that have gone off!)?
Are their normally organised papers in a mess?
Are they a bit forgetful?
And another thing to look out for is that they don’t want to invite you into their home whereas they did before.
Just make a mental note of any of these things and stay tuned for next week’s advice on how to talk to them about these changes.
Pensions – oh no, boring!! But very important. The Triple Lock is all very well and good but that might not be enough to live on. We aren’t regulated so we can’t give you financial advice BUT we can point you to some places to help you:
You can find a Society of Later Life Adviser near you on the SOLLA website. It’s really important to make sure that the person you are talking to understands getting older and what that means to your finances. All the people on this website do that.
We also know other financial advisers who are fully later life qualified but not SOLLA advisers and we can send you in their direction.
There is always the possibility of a residual income (like a royalty that those who write and perform songs receive). Some businesses that remunerate those working with them with residual income rely on sales of product which can be hard to maintain without building a team. However, some companies offer a residual income based on household services. If you want more information on something like this which could help plug a gap, let us know and we can help.
HM Government’s Money & Pensions service also has a website called Money Helperand this can help you with pension and retirement planning as well as all sorts of other money queries. Do have a read and do share with people you know.
Did you know that landlines are being phased out? It’s not happening yet, and has in fact been delayed from 2025 to 2027. The delay is because not all providers are ready and able to make the switch yet, and don’t all have plans in place to help vulnerable customers.
The landline as you know it, will be phased out and you will need to be using VOIP (voice over internet protocol) technology, instead. These rely on electricity and broadband and so there is much discussion about back-up battery especially for vulnerable customers. Of course many people have mobiles and can use these in an emergency (if they are charged up) but not all customers do.
We are pleased to note, however, that the personal care alarm companies have adapted their technologies and now use the mobile networks to route their emergency calls, so they aren’t reliant on the landline network anymore. Existing clients using the old technology will be migrated over in due course.
Our concern is that we see a lot of people with poor speed broadband (even in cities like London), who can’t possibly expect to be able to make calls over the internet. We hope there is time for all of this to be upgraded.
If you haven’t been contacted about your landline being switched, then don’t worry, you are probably best to wait until you have to do it.
Eventually, after all the upgrades, the digital network will be cheaper to run, so hopefully it will be worth it in the end.
If you are concerned about the new technology, please get in touch and we will help you if you need to change your technology.
