helping seniors live well in later life

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Tag: Later Life

  • Caring for parents and dealing with overwhelm

    Caring for parents and dealing with overwhelm

    This month’s guest blog is written by Kayane Watson, a certified Thrive Coach, exploring how to deal with the overwhelm of caring for elderly parents.  

    Do you often find yourself overwhelmed by the emotional demands of caring for an elderly parent while struggling to meet their expectations?

    Caring for an elderly parent is a profound act of love and commitment, but it might come with challenges that can leave you feeling drained, frustrated, or even at times guilty. Many adult children find themselves caught between fulfilling their parent’s needs and managing their own lives, unsure of how to balance everything.

    Looking after an elderly parent can evoke a range of emotions: from guilt when you can’t meet all their expectations to resentment when their demands feel overwhelming. It’s common to experience emotional fatigue, especially when juggling caregiving responsibilities with work, family, or personal needs. You might feel isolated, as though no one truly understands the weight you carry. It’s crucial to acknowledge these feelings without judgment—they’re a natural response to a challenging situation.

    Establishing boundaries with your elderly parent isn’t just about protecting your time or energy; it’s about preserving the relationship you have with them. Without boundaries, resentment can build, leading to tension and misunderstandings. Clear and compassionate boundaries help both you and your parent understand what is realistic, ensuring that everyone’s needs are considered. It’s not about saying “no” to them; it’s about saying “yes” to a sustainable relationship where care is balanced.

    Here are some practical tips and advice to get you attuned with your emotions and feelings as well as gradually building a healthier boundary with an elderly parent;

    Practice emotional awareness: Take time to reflect on your feelings. Journaling or speaking with a trusted friend or a professional can help you process the emotions tied to caregiving.

    Communicate openly and kindly: Use “I” statements to express your needs without blame. For example, “I feel stressed when I receive last-minute requests. Can we plan together ahead of time so we’re both prepared?”

    Set clear limits: Decide what you can and cannot do. Be honest with yourself about your capacity and communicate these limits to your parent.

    Learn the power of constructive “no”: Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care. For instance, if a request is beyond your ability, you could say, “I’m unable to do that, but let’s find someone who can help.”

    Focus on self-care: Make time for activities that recharge you—whether it’s exercise, hobbies, or simply enjoying a hot drink without distractions. Your well-being is essential to providing effective care.

    Seek support: Don’t hesitate to ask for help from other family members, friends, or professional caregivers. Caregiving doesn’t have to be a solo journey.

    Here’s a powerful reminder to inspire and ground you:“I am doing my best, and that is enough. By caring for myself, I am better able to care for my parent.”

    Remember, caregiving is a journey of love and dedication, but it’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your well-being. By doing so, you’re not only ensuring a healthier relationship with your parent but also preserving your emotional and physical health for the long term.

    If the above resonates and you would like some help, you can  get in touch with Kayane at linktr.ee/thrive.with.k  Kayane helps people who struggle with stress, anxiety, depression and phobias, live better by teaching them how to thrive in life by taking them through The Thrive Programme. Anyone can thrive when they understand how they can be mentally stronger, resilient and in control of their emotions. Everyone has the ability to create and live the best life possible.

  • Transitioning to domiciliary care

    Transitioning to domiciliary care

    If you are looking at getting help from a domiciliary carer for your loved one, there are some practical things to think about once you know you will be using their service: 

    1. Declutter the rooms they will need to be in.  This is important because your loved one’s home is the carer’s work place and it needs to be safe for them too.  Extra equipment in the home may well be needed so there should be space for this, and for the carer and your loved one to be able to move around as a pair.
    2. Ensure all of your loved one’s post, filing and general paperwork are up to date.   Then, when new items arrive,  they will be easy to fileand keep on top of.  If everything is already out of order, it takes  longer to deal with and to find things when you need them.
    3. Write simple instructions for the washing machine and how / when your loved one wants clothes and bedding washed.  Not everyone is the same, so these things vary.
    4. Write simple instructions for what to throw away from the fridge.  We  know that sometimes things are discarded too soon, and other times left for too long, so it can be good to have instructions. 
    5. Write instructions on how your loved one likes tea / coffee / certain meals – the carers  may not always be the same ones due to holiday or sickness, so although most agencies will try to send the same person, this helps towards a seamless handover.
    6. Write instructions for the dishwasher.  Not everyone has one or knows how to use it. They could wash up instead so you can suggest that if you think it’s easier.
    7. Let the carers know what day the bin collection is and what things can be recycled or not.  This varies from borough to borough, and can differ in blocks of flats, so this information makes it easier for everyone. 
    8. Let the carers know if they should answer the phone or not, and what you would like them to say if  your loved one cannot speak (either indisposed or doesn’t have capacity). 
    9. Make a note if there’s anything else you would like them to do.  It could be to charge the iPad once a week, or to make sure certain lights are left on.  They won’t know if you don’t tell them.
    10. Make sure you have enough toiletries for your loved one, or set up deliveries so they can’t run out.

    Hopefully the above practical suggestions will help the transition go smoothly.

  • Christmas family reflections

    Christmas family reflections

    We hope you all had a fantastic Christmas day with your friends and family, or if you were alone, that you enjoyed the peace and quiet.  We know many people who prefer a quiet one, so if that’s you, we hope quiet was delightful.*  Some of you might still be doing lots of entertaining.

    You may have had a chance to reflect on anything different you noticed about your loved ones whilst visiting them.  You might be thinking about calling them to thank them for their hospitality, or if they weren’t hosting, calling them to make sure they got home ok, or to thank them for presents received.   You’ll find a good reason to check in.  Start on a positive note and then you can move on to mentioning whatever your concerns were.  You can ask if they’ve been to their GP recently, or perhaps you could suggest they might think about a cleaner so they can enjoy their time rather than thinking about chores.  Whatever it is, there will be a positive way to spin it and you’ll find it.   Offer suggestions if they are receptive, but otherwise just keep checking in if they’re not yet ready.

    If you have specific concerns or believe they need support you can’t give, do get in touch so we can help you work out the people who can point you in the right direction.

    *If a quiet Christmas was too much, there are many places that offer companionship and Christmas dinners on Christmas Day, and we can help you find one for next year if you would like.

  • What’s in your relative’s fridge

    What’s in your relative’s fridge

    We started our weekly short blogs a year ago on December 21st  with a reminder to look out for your loved ones over this Christmas when you go to visit them.  And we thought it was worthwhile repeating the message.

    Whilst you are with your relatives and friends and having a lovely festive and relaxed time, they may not want to tell you about anything happening to them as they may feel too proud or embarrassed, or be in denial (or all three).    However, you may notice some changes to them and their home which are worth noting. 

    Keep an eye out for:

    • Are they using a stick when they haven’t before?
    • Are they holding onto walls or furniture to steady themselves?
    • Is their home less clean than it used to be?  Perhaps there are smells you didn’t notice before or a bit more dust?
    • What’s in the fridge that shouldn’t be (things that don’t belong there or things that have gone off!)?
    • Are their normally organised papers in a mess?
    • Are they a bit forgetful?
    • And another thing to look out for is that they don’t want to invite you into their home whereas they did before.

     Just make a mental note of any of these things and stay tuned for next week’s advice on how to talk to them about these changes.  

  • Losing your landline?

    Losing your landline?

    Did you know that landlines are being phased out?  It’s not happening yet, and has in fact been delayed from 2025 to 2027.  The delay is because not all providers are ready and able to make the switch yet, and don’t all have plans in place to help vulnerable customers. 

    The landline as you know it, will be phased out and you will need to be using VOIP (voice over internet protocol) technology, instead.  These rely on electricity and broadband and so there is much discussion about back-up battery especially for vulnerable customers.   Of course many people have mobiles and can use these in an emergency (if they are charged up) but not all customers do.

    We are pleased to note, however, that the personal care alarm companies have adapted their technologies and now use the mobile networks to route their emergency calls, so they aren’t reliant on the landline network anymore.  Existing clients using the old technology will be migrated over in due course.

    Our concern is that we see a lot of people with poor speed broadband (even in cities like London), who can’t possibly expect to be able to make calls over the internet.  We hope there is time for all of this to be upgraded.

    If you haven’t been contacted about your landline being switched, then don’t worry, you are probably best to wait until you have to do it. 

    Eventually, after all the upgrades, the digital network will be cheaper to run, so hopefully it will be worth it in the end.

    If you are concerned about the new technology, please get in touch and we will help you if you need to change your technology.

  • Energy – confusing?

    Energy – confusing?

    Do you find your energy bills confusing?  You are not alone.    There is far too much jargon involved so we thought we would explain a few things that might help simplify things.

    Fixed price v variable tariffs

    Deciding whether to go for a  fixed or variable is like betting on the horses and taking out insurance at the same time.  It’s a gamble, but it gives you peace of mind.   The variable may go up or down in the time you are in the contract but with a fixed tariff you know the standing charge and unit rates you are paying.  Don’t forget it doesn’t fix the exact amount you pay, it fixes those unit prices and the standing charge.  No one can predict exactly how much energy you will use in the year, even you!

     Paying for your energy in equal monthly payments v paying for what you use

    Most people choose to pay their estimated annual usage in 12 equal monthly instalments.  This means you pay the same every month.  If you use more energy in those 12 months, your monthly price will go up the following year to reflect the extra usage and to pay off the previous year’s deficit.  If you use less then your energy company will give it back to you.  UW automatically put any credit balance in their customers’ accounts in the 13th month, but most other companies want you to ask them for it and we’ve heard stories of people having to ask multiple times.   However, if you would prefer your energy company not to have your money up front, then opt to pay for what you use each month.  You may need to commit to a smart meter depending on the energy company, but you will definitely need to read your meter at the end of every month for it to be accurate.

    Price cap

    This is set by Ofgem, the energy regulator, and it only affects customers on the variable tariffs and is to protect them from paying astronomical prices if they don’t switch.  The price cap is not a limit on your total bill. It restricts the price per unit (or kWh) and standing charge that energy companies can charge you.  When you hear in the media about an annual cost for the price cap (£X per year) this is based on an average usage.  And none of us are average, so your actual cost may be lower or higher. 

    Comparing energy costs

    If you decide to look at switching, remember to look at the annual cost rather than the pence per kilowatt hour.  This is because the annual cost includes the standing charge which is another variable.

    There isn’t a lot of difference between energy companies’ prices these days, but there is a big difference in the extra perks you can get such as other money-saving or environmental initiatives and of course their customer service.  So ask your friends who they use.

    If you want help looking at your energy bills, we can help.

  • Christmas made easy – part 1

    Christmas made easy – part 1

    This is a repost of our blog in November 2022, because we think it’s worth repeating.  Part 2 will be next week.

    It’s all about making lists.  So get a pen and paper ready, or a note section on your mobile phone and make some lists.

    1. Make a list of all of those presents you want to buy, and who for.  If you haven’t started ordering yet, we recommend doing so right away!  Leaving anything to the last minute is always stressful.  Mark off when you have bought something, and if you need to go to a shop, put a diary note to go to the exact shop, or to go on a browsing trip,  so it doesn’t get forgotten.
    2. Once you’ve ordered a present online, make a note of where you ordered it from, how they are sending it, and when you expect it to arrive.  Also keep a folder in your emails for all of the email order confirmations.   Then you can follow up if it doesn’t arrive when you’re expecting it to.
    3. Check last posting dates https://www.royalmail.com/christmas/last-posting-dates to make sure you won’t miss it if you are sending internationally.
    4. Make a time to wrap presents and write cards.  Again, put this in your diary.  Put Post-its on the front of envelopes of any cards of people you are going to see in person, with the date you’ll see them and put them in order by the front door, so you can take them with you when you are seeing them.
    5. Do the same with presents, so you can save on postage.
    6. If you need to post presents, try to go to the post office first thing in the morning and not on a Saturday, to avoid lengthy queues.

    We help our clients buy, wrap and post presents and cards.  Don’t leave it to the last minute, get in touch if you would like help.

  • What is a superconnector, and why do you need one?

    What is a superconnector, and why do you need one?

    A super-connector is someone who knows the right people to help you, when you need help.  These are people who have access to a wide network of people to call on to assist where necessary.  Super-connectors are people that when you say ‘X happened to me today and I think I need to do Y’, they know just the right person to put you in touch with. As you get older there are many different people and professions out there who can help you, but the great news is you only need one as they can usually refer you to others.  Examples of super-connectors are:

    • Healthcare professionals
    • Financial adviser
    • Private client lawyer / will writer
    • Estate agent
    • Care agency
    • Social care consultant
    • Someone like us!

    But just because someone is one of those professions, it doesn’t make them a super-connector.   Super-connectors are generally helpful people who go out of their way to help others.  If you’re reading this you already know a super-connector – us!   So reach out if you need anything and we’ll connect you to the correct person!

  • It’s not too late to start using Zoom!

    It’s not too late to start using Zoom!

    Remember those heady days before the pandemic?  The days when hardly anyone was using Zoom.  I admit, I had the app, and had done some meetings, but I didn’t really know what it was capable of.  Now that the pandemic has passed, I spend a lot less time on Zoom and it’s transformed the way a lot of businesses run.

    Does it still have a place in the lives of those who aren’t working?   It can be very useful to have meetings with a travel agent, a will writer, a financial adviser, etc.  It can also be helpful to have family catch-ups (as in the picture!) and see friends on the other side of the world.  One of my clients still has a weekly Zoom with her sisters; connections have been revolutionised by what happened in the pandemic.

    There are also many groups for those in later life that meet online, from social groups, to classes, and bridge groups.  It is all out there.  So if you don’t fancy going out into the world, but crave connection, Zoom is very much still a worthwhile thing (and of course other platforms like Microsoft Teams, or Google Meet).

    If you want to get started on Zoom or another video platform, talk to us about how we can help you get set up.

  • Making Broadband Simple

    Making Broadband Simple

    If you want to have access to the internet you need a device and to make the device work well and fast in your home, you need broadband.   But what if you haven’t had it before?  We come across clients regularly who don’t have it, so it’s not as uncommon as you might think.

    Broadband bamboozles us all, but imagine if you haven’t had it before.  There are so many technical terms so how do we explain what they all are?  And of course we want to make sure our older clients are not picking a provider who is going to make things even more confusing if they have to call for any technical assistance.

    This is why we work with UW.  Not only can we help explain things to our clients, but the technical and customer services look after our clients very well.  We always make sure to put our clients on the Priority Services Register, so they are attended to quickly especially if they have a Careline device or need the phone to connect to family (they may not have a mobile device). 

    If you would like to talk to us about how UW can help you get connected with broadband (or to change supplier), please let us know.